I've heard it said that "addiction is the only disease that tells us we're not sick." Except that, at least in the case of a food addiction, that's not necessarily true. Anorexics feel it when their blood sugar is dropping so low that they are passing out. Bulimics feel it when they're literally making themselves sick. People like me feel it the minute we're done with a binge. It most definitely feels sick. Even in the midst of a binge I can feel it; it's a totally out of control "holy crap I can't stop myself" feeling. It's that "if I don't find another piece of chocolate RIGHT NOW I'm going to go insane" feeling. There is no part of that that tells me I'm not sick.
No, food addiction is sneaky. It doesn't tell us we aren't sick - it tells us that it is impossible for us to get better. After all, you can't just avoid food, right? It's a part of our lives whether we like it or not, and so every day hundreds or thousands of people go through their lives believing that there is nothing they can do about their obsession. It's got them fooled. Of course you can get better. You just have to make the right choices. Any addiction is all about choices, and knowing yourself.
In my case, I have certain foods that will trigger an out of control binge. I also have little habits that I know are part of my obsession with food - finishing the food my children leave on their plates for example (don't want to throw food away), or eating when I'm nervous or especially emotional. I have to make conscious choices every day, no matter how badly I might want that Wendy's trip, or no matter how loudly I hear my mother's voice in my head screaming about starving children in Africa to NOT make those choices. I've taught my children to clear their own plates (with the oldest helping the little ones) as soon as they are done eating. When Wendy's is screaming my name from down the road, I do everything I can to keep my attention focused on something else. I'll put in some music that I absolutely love and turn to writing, for example.
I've seen many food addiction blogs that tell people they can deal with their cravings by substituting some other food that is "close" for the preferred item, or by eating a tiny portion of what they are craving. This is absolute crap as far as I'm concerned. If you're like me, something else just won't work - my brain is craving ice cream not yogurt, and no amount of frozen yogurt is going to work. And eating that one tiny piece of chocolate is enough to send me over the edge. You can't buy just one small piece - you have to buy a whole bag of them. And having that whole bag in the house when a craving hits is asking for trouble. It's like keeping a bottle of wine for special occasions around in a house with an alcoholic. You just don't do it.
The choice is mine every day - to take a bite of chocolate when I know it may trigger a craving/binge cycle or leave it alone. To open the cabinet when I walk by to get a drink of water, or to leave it shut. To open the fridge when I'm getting ice for my soda or to leave it shut. Even better is the choice to keep those things out of my house altogether so that if I do open the cabinet, fridge, or freezer looking for something to eat, I'm not going to find one of those foods there. And even calling my husband won't work - because he loves me and he knows better than to indulge me when I ask for those things now. He knows that for me "once in awhile" foods have become an obsession, one that I'm trying to break for the sake of our children. He'll tell me that he loves me, and he'll tell me no as lovingly as possible. And then we'll talk about the emotional issue that is *really* causing the problem at that moment.
I've made these choices so that I can get better. What choices are you making today?
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